(and that's all I am)
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| I Am What I Am (and that's all I am) |
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Monday, June 30, 2003 "Thick Monster-Size Circus COCKs" This is my new favorite spam e-mail title. I just received it today, but I'm somewhat puzzled. What exactly does it mean? Sure, on the surface it seems to be obvious, but then they went and threw in "Circus". My mind is swimming around the fantastical concept of a "circus cock"... Do they mean something like this? My apologies to anyone who never imagined this blog would be so dirty. posted by Rick Bradford E-Mail Me | 6/30/2003 04:14:00 PM Tuesday, June 17, 2003 Listening to: Tenacious D ################### We got some junk mail today from Mother Earth News, a magazine that apparently focuses on healthy living, organic foods, sustainable energy, etc. The problem is their junk mail is a hard-sell designed to work just like any other junk mail from Time-Life, Cosmopolitan or Capitol One. "Why not return your Discount Voucher today?" It's grotesque. Also, their mentions of rolling blackouts and genetically-engineered foods has each of those topics surrounded by quotation marks as if they're not real or "rolling blackouts" is just a hip, media nickname. I have to admit, though, one thing that's almost enough to make me subscribe is the following line of claims: "No sweepstakes. No gimcrack free gifts. No fancy sales pitch..." Did you catch that? "Gimcrack"! Who the hell uses the word "gimcrack"?! Man, I love that. The person who wrote the copy must be a hundred years old. In case you're not familiar with the word (and why would you be?) my dictionary defines it as "a showy object of little use or value" (e.g., a "gewgaw", another great word). No gimcrackery here, folks! "Gimcrackery"... What a great name that would be for a zine. Hmmm... ################### posted by Rick Bradford E-Mail Me | 6/17/2003 11:45:00 PM Saturday, June 14, 2003 Song playing in my head when I woke up: "The Weird Al Show Theme" by 'Weird Al' Yankovic ################### Today we watched the movie Old School because it's got Will Ferrell and we think he's funny. We didn't know anything else about it, but it turns out that it's another crappy college party movie I could've farted out in my sleep. Sure, it had some funny bits, but I wonder if Ferrell will ever become known for anything in movies besides being the new Tom Green. We also started watching Friday, but became bored with the lack of, well, story. We'll continue it later. Hasting's was having half-price rentals this weekend so we also rented One Hour Photo, About Schmidt, Catch Me If You Can, Death to Smoochy and Pay It Forward. Oh, and we picked up A Beautiful Mind for cheap. Add those to the batch of stuff Laura loaned us and we'll be busy with DVDs for quite a while... ################### posted by Rick Bradford E-Mail Me | 6/14/2003 11:10:00 PM Thursday, June 12, 2003 Song playing in my head when I woke up: "Amy Hit the Atmosphere" by Counting Crows ################### I've been thinking lately about what the word "art" means to me and if it really even matters. It occurs to me that my brain responds very similarly to all sorts of stimuli that could be in the form of beautiful (outwardly or inwardly) people, comix, paintings, music, nature, etc. This means that my brain processes organic beauty and non-organic beauty in the same way. I wonder if the link is that I desire/feel a spiritual connection to another human being. I've also considered that it's the acknowledgement of something larger than myself. I don't feel a conviction to believe in God, per se, but I do believe there is some sort of overlying power – even if it's simply spiritual harmony and positive energy among the universe's inhabitants. In that sense, I've certainly "seen God" many times. I like it. ################### In other news, I just read that Sherman Hemsley (The Jeffersons) and Pat Morita ("Mr. Miyagi") are starring in a stage revival of The Odd Couple. Can you believe that shit? ################### posted by Rick Bradford E-Mail Me | 6/12/2003 03:26:00 PM Sunday, June 08, 2003 Listening to: Crash Test Dummies' I Don't Care That You Don't Mind Eating: Terra Potpourri Potato Chips – yum! ################### Last night I dreamed that I reconciled with Kristi. All was wrapped up rather neatly just like on tv. ################### This afternoon I sat on the porch petting the cat and watching the cardinals and hummingbirds eat from their respective feeders. There was a cool breeze. Ah, country life... ################### Again with the spam? Some of my favorite recent spam e-mail subject lines: Sweet Homaphrodites AMAZING SOUNDS OF SHE-MEN SQUEALING Double Your Life Insurance At "No Extra Cost" GAY SQUIRTING ACTION! Get Cash FAST... For Any Purpose! HOT COCK SUCKING LESBIANS (huh?! --Rb) rick_schroeder Can YOU Use Cash? Rickbradford Increase your breast size rickbradford, WINNER (damn straight! --Rb) ################### posted by Rick Bradford E-Mail Me | 6/08/2003 11:26:00 PM Saturday, June 07, 2003 Another dream, this one from several years ago: I dreamed that I met cartoonist Jim Siergey. I was out of state somewhere in some sort of shop and Jim was behind the counter. His face was non-descript and he was wearing some sort of costume that covered very little. I thought to myself, "No one would ever believe that this is Jim Siergey." So I asked if I could take a picture. A woman was there (his wife?) and they both got him ready for a picture. By the time he was ready, he was wearing some type of full-body B-movie mud-monster type of costume. I was disappointed, but still knew that no one would believe me if I didn't get a photo. By this time I realized Clay Geerdes was standing next to me. I'd seen a photo of Clay, but – as I write this – don't remember exactly what he looked like. Here he was fairly thin, shorter than I, with long hair, a beard & moustache and glasses. I told him to go stand next to Jim for the pic. As soon as I did this, I realized that Clay shouldn't be there. I was confused and – in a rare occurence for me – began to doubt my surroundings. I don't know if I realized I was dreaming, but I knew something wasn't right. [ I had this dream after Clay Geerdes, father of the modern mini-comic, died in 1997. ] ################### posted by Rick Bradford E-Mail Me | 6/07/2003 10:55:00 PM Friday, June 06, 2003 A couple of dreams from last October: Oct. 3 I met writer Tom Spurgeon in what may or may not have been an arcade. For some reason, I recognized him (I've seen one or two pictures, I guess). I shook his hand in the normal white-boy way, but he insisted on giving me some sort of street handshake. Why is everybody cooler than me? Sitting next to Tom was Jenny Nixon. Oct. 2 I was undergoing some sort of surgery. The doctor had to cut a rectangle out of my lower left back about 4×7". He was doing it with an electric saw and I was under local anesthesia. A couple of times I felt more than I should've; the second time woke me up. ################### posted by Rick Bradford E-Mail Me | 6/06/2003 06:41:00 PM Wednesday, June 04, 2003 Song playing in my head when I woke up: "Hide Away Folk Family" by They Might Be Giants ################### I dreamed that Amy had taken to painting inspirational quotes onto big ceramic trays. I told her they were good enough that she should try to sell them. As I remember them now, however, they were pretty ugly. ################### On a Simpsons episode of a few weeks ago, Homer tricked Flanders into leaving town by sending him a note supposedly from God. It's such a goofy gag, but the handwritten note still cracks me up: Dude, Meet me in Montana. xoxo Jesus (H. Christ) ################### posted by Rick Bradford E-Mail Me | 6/04/2003 02:09:00 PM Monday, June 02, 2003 Song playing in my head when I woke up: that "Legend of the Third Wheel" song from Mr. Show ################### Have you noticed how many people hate to have their picture taken? Don't they know that by refusing or kvetching about it they only disappoint and/or piss off their loved ones who want pictures of them? I assume that most of the time the dislike is based in insecurity – that is, they don't like how they look in pictures. Shouldn't somebody alert them to the fact that they look the same in person? They have the courage to go out in public but are afraid of a fucking picture? My point is it's silly at best and unhealthy at worst. Let's strive to drop our goofball insecurities and inhibitions – we'll all be better for it. And I say that as someone learning to be more comfortable in front of a camera. I'm too old not to be. ################### posted by Rick Bradford E-Mail Me | 6/02/2003 09:02:00 PM Sunday, June 01, 2003 Song playing in my head when I woke up: "One Night in Bangkok" by Murray Head ################### Last night I dreamed I would be visiting a newly built school (high school? college?). I learned that when I was to be there my pal Mike Branch would be lecturing, but only to the girls. The woman who told me this acted as if it was a bit of a treat. Even in his dreams he can't keep the chicks away. ################### Every week an assload of "enlarge your penis" spam makes its way to my inbox. Why is that? It's not as if I've been frequenting a lot of sites trying to figure out exactly how to enlarge my penis. Is it a fad at the moment? Are we just becoming increasingly more insecure? Do they still sell those enlarge-o-pumps that used to be advertised in skin magazines a couple decades ago? Also, who exactly is buying these products? I want to say that I hope – just for the sake of humanity's future – it's really young guys who are still too stupid/desperate to realize they're being conned. But if it is then we're looking at a future of adults who were never properly educated by their parents. Not to mention an epidemic of insecurity and vanity. Ah, well, I suppose it's the American legacy. And besides all of that, I like to enlarge my penis the old-fashioned way. ################### posted by Rick Bradford E-Mail Me | 6/01/2003 11:11:00 PM |
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